Why Do I Keep Fucking Up

You know you’re better than this. You want to be a good man, but life can be hard. And in these moments of weakness, you give in to the temptation of short term gratification. You find yourself staring in the mirror asking yourself, “Why do I keep fucking up?”

I get this question from time to time. It’s not often said quite so eloquently, but the question comes up a lot in one form or another.

You are scrolling online and those instagram models (THOTs) show up on your timeline with their shapely bodies and you wind up checking out your default porn site.

You are working hard on your side project, but then you get frustrated and decide to play a half hour of PlayStation. Only you keep saying one more game. The next thing you know it is 2AM and your eyes are bloodshot. And you have to get up early the next morning.

Read my story of quitting video games on Gamequitters.com

You say you’re tired and want to watch an episode of your favorite show on Netflix, but they make it so easy to binge with the autoplay feature. You get caught up in the story and you’ve stayed up way later than intended. Now you are losing sleep to find out if Ross and Rachel end up together.

“Are you pulling this shit just now or forever. Or are you just fucked up temporarily because you’re temporarily fuckin stupid?” - John Goodman, The Gambler (Don’t buy it)

These are familiar stories to most people. They happen to the best of us at our worst moments. But why do we keep fucking up? Well, let’s ask the Greatest Roman Emperor for his thoughts:

"Don't be discouraged if you fail to live up to your principles all the time. When you stumble, get up and keep going." - Marcus Aurelius, The Meditations

There’s a lot going on here in such a succinct message. First off, you need to forgive yourself when this happens. Quit beating yourself up too hard and move on. Second, you likely don’t even have principles. You say you do but it’s vague and undefined. You may say you live by honor or to always do your best. This isn’t clear enough for the best of men to adhere to.

I want to thank Chance Lunceford for his suggestion of forming a set of guiding principles. If you want to hear how it’s done, check out his book, Uncommon Mentality, where he describes it in great detail. Read the whole book because full of actionable advice, but his method for establishing principles is on page 51.

What are my principles? Well the one we are focusing on in this article is:

#9: Vices are Poison to the Warrior Monk. Be Pure in Mind, Body and Spirit.

Listen to those words. They are exact. They are actionable. They sound like they belong in some Eastern philosophy book like the Tao Te Ching or The Art of War. I spent time perfecting this list that I look at every single day. I didn’t write these words and forget about them. I live by them.

You must live by a code of honor. A well-defined set of guiding principles or you will find yourself being guided by impulse. The difference between man and animal is a set of guiding principles. Become the Ubermensch.

In my book, Reclaim Your Manhood, I discuss goals and their importance. In it I say, “Rather than having an abstract idea or vision in your head, you need to make your goals real. Write them down. Check them periodically to assure that you are making progress toward your overall mission. Stick with them and write down specifically how you will accomplish them.

The same applies to your principles. You likely have an abstract vision of what defines you and how you want to live a life. But you’ve never taken the time to sit down and truly meditate on this. And don’t tell me you’re busy. If you want to live a purposeful life, then you absolutely must define what exactly that means for you.

Why You Keep Fucking Up

This isn’t a silver bullet. If you’re expectations are that you will be perfect overnight, then you are in for disappointment. The name Path to Manliness reflects this. You are on a journey. There is a path you must take to go from fucking up your life to living an awesome life. It takes time and patience and hard work.

You need to temper your expectations or you are going to disappoint yourself. In my guest appearance on The Illustrious Invicta Cast, I mention how most people try to do too much at the same time. They will do a crash diet, ramp up a crazy workout routine, start journaling, meditating and training a monkey to ride a unicycle at the same time.

It’s not going to work. You’re going to end up with a shitty life again, but now you’ve always got this superskilled monkey throwing his shit at everything.

You have to focus on making one change at a time. Each month will be a month for one new habit. And to get some momentum, pick something that is easy for the first month. I recommend meditation or writing. Writing is one of the greatest habits you can form and will help you gain a better understand of yourself and your direction in life.

After 30 days, you’ll have turned this into a habit. Then the next month you can focus on quitting booze. I know what you’re thinking. You think this will take too long right? Wrong. The days are long but the years are short. Even if you fail with a couple of these habits, you will still make massive improvements on your life.

Imagine it’s a year from today and you have successfully made 10 new habits. Or maybe you quit a couple vices for some of the months. What could your life look like if you managed to succeed in 10 new habits? Maybe now you journal, meditate, exercise and volunteer. This could be your life in 2020. You can make your life great!

All it takes is a mission. All it takes is a set of principles to live by. All it takes is your desire to go from a fucked up life to an awesome life. And when you’ve seen how bad it can be, that creates motivation to better yourself.

You’re going to have friends who will hold you back. They will say vapid nonsense like “You’ve changed” and “C’mon man, what’s wrong with one beer?” This is OK. Forgive them for they know not what they do.

Remember your principles. Be guided by the principles you defined for yourself and not by impulses or peer pressure.

Bottom line: You don’t have to be a fuck up forever. Anyone who tells you that is toxic. Listen to your heart. Listen to your principles. Believe in yourself. Anyone is capable of great change if they have a worthy reason. Your set of guiding principles is your reason for everything you do in your life.

If you want help on getting started, I wrote a quick and easy to read guidebook for men who are lost. It’s very simple actionable advice that is designed to take you from zero to hero. This book will change your life. It is available on Amazon for $10 in paperback and $5 in eBook.

Thank you for reading as always and if you want free advice delivered (nearly) daily, my newsletter is free.

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