SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR SOBER OCTOBER
The average person feels lethargic, unmotivated and depressed. They are overweight and out of shape. The average person also spends most of their nights playing video games. They eat too much fast food and drink too much alcohol. They smoke pot, cigarettes or those dumbass JUULs and if you haven’t figured it out yet, they aren’t healthy. The science is just falling behind the technology here, just like how cigarettes were not thought to be dangerous in the 1950s. Also people are constantly on their phone and not getting enough sleep. If you use most of your time to pursue a life of hedonism rather than meaningful pursuits, then no wonder you are fat, lonely and depressed.
Challenge yourself this month by going 30 days sober from drugs and alcohol. This can be the catalyst to getting your body, mind and spirit in better shape. Now this will be tough for some people so here is the guide to help you get through it.
1. Carry water with you everywhere to keep up the habit of drinking. This is similar to how smokers will chew gum to keep up the mannerism. This will be a massive change to your health and your general state of well-being. Alcohol dehydrates you so let’s flip the script and rehydrate our bodies. This will cure so many nagging little ailments such as headaches.
2. Garnish your drinks. Carrying on with the last point: poor a glass of water on the rocks and add a lime wedge or lemon wedge. Mix a non-alcoholic drink and make it feel like a cocktail. If you want to get super classy, grab some San Pellegrino or other sparkling water for a “nightcap.”
3. Track your progress for motivation. Take pictures throughout the month. Log your weight daily or close to it. Write down your thoughts as you go through the month. Keep track of what changes you perceive throughout the month. This can inspire you to keep progressing.
4. Stay away from toxic friends. You know the type. The people who will harass you for making them reexamine their lives. Good friends will support you in this endeavor. Alcoholism in America is treated like a joke. Its legal so people see it is less of a threat than it is.
5. Keep busy. Most people will drink out of boredom. Football is slow and easy to drink with. At night many of us have nothing to do hence Netflix and Jack or whatever. Plan to work out or write or do something worthwhile. If you can get in a habit of running in the morning, you’ll be less likely to want to drink since you “have to get up early in the morning.”
6. Exercise. Without alcohol and hangovers, you'll be amazed at how much more energy you will have. And you will likely drop a few pounds. I’m already down a couple pounds in the three days of Sober October. Use this opportunity to get outside and go for a run. If that isn’t your flavor go swimming or ride your bike. Experiencing your town on foot or bike is a much more intimate way of viewing your own city. Get active and appreciate the sober life.
7. Watch less football. Football and beer go together like baristas and worthless liberal degrees. Watch your team or nothing and avoid the commercials. They shove it in your face constantly. If you're a Browns fans, they'll drive you to drink. It's hopeless for Cleveland.
8. Have people hold you accountable. Get a group message going or and check in on each other. Have the option to call people when you begin to want a drink. True alcoholics in Alcoholics Anonymous do this, and it works for them. Use their time-tested method to accomplish this challenge.
9. Gamble. It worked for Joe, Bert and Ari. Get a group of people and throw in money or make it creative. Have the loser be required to change their profile pic on Facebook to a pic of them in their most hated sports team's apparel. Make them wear a pink dress out to a bar one night. That may backfire as a true player would claim they are “raising awareness” for breast cancer. This may actually be a great way to meet girls. It’s little moments like this that lead to me having so many followers. Anyway, this can be a fun event, even the punishment.
If this is something that you can't do, consider that you may have a minor problem. Maybe even a serious one. I'm not an alcoholic, but I've had times where I drank way too much and acted like one. This is a fun way to tackle a serious problem. Happy October! #SoberOctobert
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