What To Do When You Lack Motivation as a Man
Men are looking for competition, brotherhood through shared struggles and a sense of accomplishment
Author: Ryan Felman
Writer, Spartan Racer, Self-Improvement Coach
If you used to be an athlete, but don't actively compete in your adult life, you have a void in your life. This is one of the reasons adult life feels empty. But it doesn’t have to be this way. This is an essential read for any man who has that competitive spark inside of him.
Why Men Today Feel Lost and Directionless
I meet so many men today that used to be athletes, but now are overweight. Some are even depressed. They want to get back to the gym, but they lack the discipline. I argue that they lack a purpose for their workouts.
Men Need Competitive Sports in Their Adult Lives
You see, back in high school, you'd hit the gym after school because you knew you had a football game on Friday night. Every rep you lifted in that gym was a piece of armor you were crafting before touching the grass under those Friday night lights. You weren't going to the gym to focus on your waistline. You were preparing for war. If you missed a workout, it really made a difference with your performance.
But now, you only go to the gym to stay healthy or look good in your swimsuit. While staying healthy is a very desirable goal, it's ambiguous. And ambiguity leaves room for missing workouts. You have no accountability anymore.
When you quit playing sports, your life begins to feel empty and hollow. It produces a void in the competitive area of your life. The average person will say "it is what it is." But if you're not average, you struggle to accept this defeatist sentiment.
Going to the gym is fun, but it lacks a sense of urgency when you don’t have a reason to train. So you lift aimlessly. Randomly doing exercises. You know. The ones that are your favorites. You’re doing curls, bench press and tricep extensions. You’re working on beach muscles and neglecting all the weird and forgettable exercises.
You’re going to the gym. But you’re not training.
This is how the average person lives their life. Aimless. Randomly doing stuff they feel like. Avoiding struggle and seeking pleasure. Then they wind up disappointed and miserable.
This is how I used to hit the gym. Hey, it’s better than nothing! But I knew there was a better way. A few years ago I began running races. First it was 5Ks, then Spartan Races and eventually even a marathon!
Suddenly my gym time had a purpose. I no longer went to the gym and wandered aimlessly from weight to weight. I was following a strict training regiment. I was lifting with a purpose. I was training.
Now my workouts have a sense of urgency. I feel compelled to go to the gym because my next Spartan Race is fast approaching. I have accountability with my teammates that I compete with and train with. It feels essential to work out or they will pass me up at the races.
I stopped skipping workouts. Now it feels more like practice for a high school sport. It feels mandatory. It feels important.
You Don't Have to Peak in High School
You often hear guys talk about their glory days of High School football. These ex-jocks get made fun of because they're stuck in the past. Their problem isn't that they're stuck in the past. Their problem is that they are lost today and miss the brotherhood and shared struggle that comes with sports.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling this way. We all long for the better days. Look at how much nostalgia sells, especially right now. When our life isn't going exactly as we hoped, nostalgia is at its more desirable.
Guys will look for ways to stay competitive. This is the reason fantasy football is so popular with ex-jocks. This is the reason so many adult men play video games. There’s a competitive element, brotherhood through shared struggles, and a sense of accomplishment. All of these elements are missing from most men's lives.
But it’s all fantasy. And once you turn off the PlayStation, you’re back to your life… for better or worse.
Men are looking for something that gives them a competitive element, brotherhood through shared struggles and a sense of accomplishment. Men need challenges to overcome to feel masculine.
There are more fulfilling ways to find this than video games.
Reignite Your Competitive Spark
You can find competition in recreational sports leagues, running races or martial arts. Competition is the greatest void in men's lives today. It gives you a reason to train. It gives your life purpose.
Men forge relationships through shared struggle. This is why athletes form strong bonds. Or men who served in the military. When you go through a shared struggle together, you have an experience that is exclusive to your group.
This is the key to living a more fulfilling life, making friends as adults and staying in peak physical shape.
Back in March, I created a running group in my town. Now we meet up every week at the same time for a group run. And we enjoy a beer together when we finish.
It's been an amazing way to form strong relationships. This group has held me accountable and helped shave over 1 minute off my mile pace.
You don't have to lone wolf your life. Humans are social creatures. We benefit from sharing experiences and forging connections. It helps make you stronger, better, even happier.
These are all reasons for why I created The Spartan Tribe, a private community for highly driven men looking for a better circle of friends. We compete in monthly challenges. And we focus on self-improvement, fitness and men's issues.
If you enjoyed this article, then you'll love the private group for highly motivated men. Click here to apply for membership.
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When I think of the most interesting people I know, it’s not the hyper-specialized experts in one field. It’s the people who find a unique juxtaposition of different walks of life. I’m drawn to those who can be both physically fit and intelligent enough to write. Two skills that are not that common alone but uniquely rare when found in the same person.