Men Need a Rite of Passage
Young Spartan boys were taken from their family between the age of 5 and 7 to live in an agele, Greek for pack, of other boys for their training. It was here they learned to compete with the other packs, instilling an appreciation for the tribal mentality at an early age.
Young boys are coddled in modern western civilization, especially those who are spoiled with the softness of affluence. And even those who make an average income can afford a very cushioned life. Who among your childhood friends struggled to survive in the elements or to find food? Never in the history of mankind has the average man lived such a soft life.
Spartan boys learn to read and write by age 10. Throughout their training they learn to become one with their weapon through dancing. Movement and footwork are essential to the Spartan warrior. As a part of their rite of passage into manhood, their hair was cut short, their tunics replaced with a cloak and they’d be thrown to the wild to test their merit.
Rather than testing the resilience and strength of young boys, we toss them into a feminized school where few male teachers are available to serve as positive male role models. And rather than to encourage the natural roughhousing that boys engage in innately, we drug them with amphetamines (Ritalin) and tell them to act more like girls.
In ancient Sparta, they encourage this natural behavior in boys and toughen them up by having them toughen their feet by walking barefoot. They were fed very little to keep them aggressive and hungry for more. This training was so intense and brutal that some Spartan boys would not survive.
In suburbia on the other hand, the young boy wants for nothing as he has a steady supply of high-sugar and highly processed junk food, endless entertainment and little to no struggle. Then, we as parents are shocked that our boys show no drive or enthusiasm to better themselves through hard work. Moral hazard allows them to be rewarded for laziness.
Their training was complete by age 20 and the Spartan boy would become a Spartan warrior. In ancient Greece, most cities were well known for their philosophy or culture. In ancient Sparta, they were known for their warriors who exemplified great character and resilience in battle.
“Sparta’s walls are its men.”
- Lycurgus
This is the Spartan Agoge. This is the Spartan Rite of Passage. This is what turns boys to men. Modern life needs a modern take on the Agoge.
I’m not clamoring for mothers and fathers to start shaving their kids’ heads and throwing their young kids to the wolves in the forest. I am saying that if we expect to see our boys one day become men, that they will have to face hardship. For this is how we grow.
In modern culture, a boy becomes a man at 18 by passively waiting rather than being forced to show exemplary strength, honor or resilience through a rite of passage. In ancient cultures, a boy had to prove his worthiness to become a man. This is missing today, and it gives rise to the plethora of Peter Pan man-children who spend their days on Xbox, watching porn and binge drinking.
There is a serious problem with men today stuck in a prolonged adolescence. Many young men are postponing their lives under the guise of being responsible and “waiting for the right time”. Comfortable lives encourage men to procrastinate everything from finding a serious career to starting a family.
The Agoge, meaning “education or upbringing,” was designed to help boys transition into manhood. Teaching them to be resilient even through adversity that was quite literally life or death. To understand manners and etiquette to better fit in with the community, and to train for war, if the tribe needed defending from outside invaders.
These boys were also taught to speak with purpose, rather than to spout off nonsense to fill the void of quiet moments - an art that has been lost in recent years by a society that rewards only the loudest and most shocking. Spartan children learned the value of Laconism, or the act of speaking economically and with precision, the term came from the region of Laconia which was famous for its concise speaking.
Your Ego Conveys Confidence
Modern society wants you to be soft and to quieten down your ego. The dark truth is you should have an ego, you should believe in yourself, so long as you are competent enough to back it up.
The world has changed. While being humble may serve a purpose, you need to be able to sell yourself, your ideas and your mission. A man with no ego is a man who will never lead.
Donald Trump wasn’t elected because of his humility. The average American voter sees his giant ego and assumes that in his great confidence, there is also competence. A man so proud of himself must be capable of great accomplishments.
Society wants you to think ego is a four-letter word. A modern-day leader of men must be comfortable with his ego, while keeping it in check. Life is all about balance.
Those who have lost control of their emotions are slaves to them. The same is true for those who allow their ego to grow too big for it to be controlled. Remember, balance.
So how do you draw the line between being overconfident and being confident? It is measured in competence. If you act like you’re the best runner in the world, then you better be putting your fancy running shoes on the track and keeping up that image. If you say you’re an entrepreneur and you shit on the 9 to 5 lifestyle, then you better have a solid financial base.
The real trick is when you push yourself a little too far so that you overreach. This is natural and happens to the best of us. Even Elon Musk couldn’t hit the deadline for launching his Tesla Model 3. But Elon is a warrior and what does a warrior do? They go to war. By putting in 20-hour days and sleeping on the factory floors, he made it happen.
Ultimately, even if you have a massive ego, people love results. And if you slip up occasionally, they’ll forgive you so long as you are close to the mark.
It is those who fear failure that never achieve greatness. By always playing the safe route, they protect their ego. But they don’t allow it or themselves to grow. By accepting failure as a natural part of the process, you can push yourself to new limits.
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